It's time again for another "Getting better dates in Boulder" post!
Today we're going to be discussing the perils of (and lessons learned from) dating idiots, losers, bums, neer-do-wells, miscreants and other sub-standard men.
You know they're out there...these men. Why, with the sheer concentration of males with such low intelligence yet such high sex drives, it makes things nearly impossible for a sophisticated and classy woman such as yourself to expect success in your love life.
Right?!
Right.
So here are 5 easy steps that YOU (yes, YOU) can follow to ensure that your odds of staying clear of spineless, broke, intellectually bereft morons are high:
1. Do not entertain e-mail offers for 'just coffee' that also include attached pictures of male genitalia.
Ladies, this should go without saying, but it seems I have to lay some ground rules in order to make sure my advice doesn't fall on deaf ears. If a guy sends you an e-mail just wanting 'coffee sometime', yet has also went to the effort of attaching a snapshot of his man bits, just...click...delete. Trust me. The kind of 'coffee' he's referring to probably isn't a variety you'd like. Just a hunch.
2. Learn to identify the patterns of the man who just wants sex.
This is actually a very easy thing to do. When you receive correspondence from a potential date, and if you're interested in finding out if this guy just wants to get his rocks off or not, simply count the number of times the following words are used in his e-mails to you:
sex
sexy
sex kitten
sex doll
sex toys
sex starved
sex change
sex crazed
sexytime (imagine this being said in a Borat accent)
sexify
sexcapade (immediate red flag)
sexual
etc.
If any of the above are used more than once in any given paragraph, click delete. This should solve the problem and narrow down your prospects well.
3. Never, ever, ever, ever, assume that the guy who uses big words actually knows their meanings.
If there's one thing that I hear all the time from the thousands of beautiful women who call me daily with their dating woes, it's their disappointment in meeting men who initially seem well-spoken and intellectual only to find that they're really mouth-breathing heathens who can't string an sentence in English together to save their lives.
Example: when a man types, "I really like existentialism. It's implications really enthuse my mental capacities," click delete.
4. Stop thinking there are men out there who actually WON'T try to kiss you by the third date.
This is a reality check, girls. Guys...want...1st...base...by...date...3. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but by at LEAST the third date you will be subjected to the potentially uncomfortable experience of having to make a decision as to whether or not to kiss the man standing before you, perhaps slightly buzzed from beer and hopeful.
Know your end game before you start playing. The cocktail of male hormones that course through a man's veins while he is in the company of an attractive woman is a very dangerous thing.
5. Use the 1-in-10 ratio when forming expectations about the men you meet on the internet.
This is simple math. Because of the sheer density of lowlife, degenerate men who play on the internet, you must expect that only 1 out of every 10 men you 'meet' this way will end up being even worth considering as a potential mate.
So...when you get 150 responses to your 'innocent' craigslist posting, know that only 15 of them are probably worth even opening.
That's it! I tell you now, if you put these simple steps to good use TODAY, you can start relishing in your dating success TOMORROW.
Thanks for reading and do let me know what sort of experiences you have. Being a hot, single Boulder guy gets old and I need your accounts of dating folly to keep things fresh.
Toodles!
