Why Breaking Rules Is OK If You're Casa Bonita

If you live a block away from Casa Bonita like I do (a fact I'm never more than two minutes away from telling anyone I meet for the first time), you pay attention to the hullabaloo surrounding this gawdy, Pepto Bismol-ensconsed, culturally textured, kinda-Mexican-but-also-kinda-clowncar-esque steepled palace of mystery and memories. 

For the past two years or so, I've watched as new HVAC equipment was installed. A fresh coat of paint was slathered on. Two dudes known for their churlish, fart humor-fueled cartoon creation invested in it. Media speculation ran wild with tantalizing ideas of what the 'new' Casa Bonita might be like. 

Would there be cliff divers? (We now know that there will be)

Is the food going to still suck? (Probably not)

Will there be South Park characters? (One can only hope)

All this has been good fun to observe from afar, but as the time draws nearer and nearer to the pink pearly gates being swung open and the starving, rampaging masses of Coloradoans are allowed ingress into Casa Bonita, I'm sitting here wondering one thing: 

What's their tagline going to be?

Well, dear friends, yesterday, the marketing department at Casa Bonita, in between feverous sopaipilla binges and fielding customer demands for information related to the opening, dropped the tagline on us, in the form of this massive billboard.

Now, the first thing you'll notice is that you can't read the tagline. It's in white, against a light background.

Their creative team might have been easily forgiven for this graphic design faux pas were it not for the downright atrocity that is the tagline itself. 

Are you sitting down for this? 

Casa Bonita's new tagline is:

The Greatest Restaurant in the World

I'll give you a few seconds to let that sink in. 

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Still not done yet?

Here's a few more.

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Ok. Let's discuss. 

First of all, on the face of it, this tagline is horrifically broken. It's not about the customers or the experience of visiting Casa Bonita itself, nor is it at all unique. It's not imperative. And it attempts to depict Casa Bonita as an actual contender in the comparison of the world's ultimate dining destinations, including:

• Geranium in Copenhagen, ranked the #1 restaurant in the world, where a 3-hour tasting course will set you back a cool $600 a person. 
• Maido in Lima, where you can score an authentic Peruvian dining experience and wine pairing for about $1,250. 
• Quintonil in Mexico City, where $400 hardly buys you a seat at the table. 

The point is this: even a cursory evaluation of the world's greatest restaurants would lead even a gastronomic neophyte to the obvious conclusion that there is no way in hell Casa Bonita could ever be considered the greatest restaurant in the world. The mere assertion is laughable, which makes Casa Bonita's new tagline comically flat, absurdly arrogant, and an absolute embarrassment for those of us who write copy for a living. 

...or is it?

Here's the thing. If Casa Bonita was any other company in the world, this tagline would have been scrapped during the first round of cuts, and the person who came up with it would have been promptly and justly fired with extreme prejudice. 

But, this is Casa Bonita. It's a self-evidently ridiculous place. Its history is ridiculous. It looks ridiculous. Its very brand essence is steeped in a kind of unabashedly self-aggrandizing proclamation of kitsch and camp, which, upon further and deeper consideration, makes this tagline...

absolutely...

perfect. 

...because we all know Casa Bonita isn't actually the greatest restaurant in the world. It's not the greatest anything in the world. But, the very gall it takes to stand up and trumpet such a farce of a claim is exactly the kind of thing that a Casa Bonita mascot would do (I, for one, vote for Cartman). 

And you know what? It works, which is why breaking all the rules is 100% A-OK, so long as you're Casa Bonita and not anyone else. 

• BD

Bret Dallas and The Brothers of Brass: Epilogue

 After nearly five years of constantly being at each other's throats, I'm proud (and relieved) to say that our beef is over.

This story is a long and twisting one, but it bears a moral that I think has import for anyone who has ever held a grudge...especially one lasting for almost half a decade.

____________________

I'm Bret Dallas.

I play guitar on the 16th Street Mall. I've been at it for something like 12 years. Honestly, I've lost count.

I'm loud; I get it. But, there are more people who enjoy the music I make than there are who dislike it. At least, it has always seemed that way.

Back in 2017, my go-to performance spot was at 16th and Champa, right in front of what was then the Rialto Cafe (RIP). This is a highly trafficked area of the Mall, which makes it prime real estate for street performers. So, I shouldn't have been surprised when a brass band began playing their music on the corner next to the Chili's restaurant.

Now...I don't know if you've ever experienced the sonic throttling that a 6- or 7-piece brass band can produce. It's *impressively* loud. But, you know, when the music is actually good, it kind of doesn't matter how loud it is, does it?

Well, it does if you're vying for the same performance space like I was.

When the Brothers of Brass first hit the scene in Denver about five years ago, they pissed me right the fuck off. And, I got pretty damn vocal about it. There was a Westword write-up on the situation, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't fan the flames on Reddit more than a few times.

In the throes of all this rifting, I began to get downright exhausted. I takes a lot of energy to keep hating all the time, and when COVID hit last year and the crowds along the mall began to thin out, I found myself wondering why the hell I kept allowing this nonsense to eat away at me.

Fast forward to a few months ago. The COVID hullaballoo had started to abate, and I found myself enjoying an open mic jazz show at the Mercury Cafe with some friends when who should take the stage but the venerable Armando Lopez himself—one of the frontmen for the Brothers of Brass.

He ripped it proper as is his MO. Dude is a beast on clarinet and sax, though it's taken me this long to admit that without doing so through clenched teeth.

After he stepped off the stage, I decided it was time to place my hat firmly in my hands gulp down my pride, and offer up an olive branch.

"Armando. What's up, man," I said.

"Bret Dallas. How are you?" he replied.

"I'm alright. Look, man. What would you think about all this fighting becoming water under the bridge?" I said, extending my hand.

"Man, we've always wanted that," he said, shaking my hand.

...and that was pretty much it.

To give even more credence to the character of these guys, the sousaphone player I had an especially hard time with went out of his way just a few days ago to approach me and offer an apology of his own. I was shocked. So shocked, in fact, that I didn't get the chance to respond with an apology of my own.

So, Khalil, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, too. I did and said some shit that was way out of line, and I apologize for it.

...which brings us to today.

Love it or hate it, the 16th Street Mall is a staple of the Downtown Denver experience. As it continues to evolve (hopefully for the better), I hope the musicians who bring their magic continue to do so alongside each other instead of as adversaries.

I know I've learned a lot about myself and my craft these past few years. And, I'm now genuinely happy to see the BoB enjoying their hard-won success.

Keep it funky, my dudes.

Thanks for reading.

Replacing Coffee with Vali's Caffeine+L-Theanine Stack; +Kratom Giveaway...

Aniracetam! Overview, dosages, cost, etc...

Interview with an Ex-Heroin Addict, Pt. 2: Cody's Story

Poem

Sanguine light leaps from torches burning in the settled eve

A caravan of outcasts marches, bound as thieves

All of them save one dishonest to the core

But The One plays the role as if he'd lived it before

Journeying further and further into a jade green mystery

One thief perishes in a fall, having stepped carelessly

The promise of a king's fortune pushes them forth

Always, always, always and hastily to the North

The nascent pink of dawn glows at the horizon

It cooks the dying night, a relief from lightless boredom

The men welcome the day with renewed energy

Until a scattering of glowing eyes appears in the leaves

They aren't alone and The One is first to see them

Are they fairies? Goblins? Perhaps mischievous mermen?

The thieves slow their pace and ready their swords

When the leader of the Watchers steps slowly forward

As if of the shadows themselves the creature appears

A caustic, dark stare bewitches and fears

The thieves are confused yet The One steadies them

Before confronting the beast, he whispers: "Be ready, men."

"Pronounce yourself, wight. We are armed!" The One says

The Watcher obliges and reveals a purplish, contorted head

"Hsssshhhhhhh..." It hisses in disapproval in startling chorus

With the army of other wights spread out through the forest

"You come to our land in search of treasure, do you not?"

As black steam rises around it, It's voice cackles and pops

"How foolish of you to presume it unguarded...such folly."

"Figured you'd just pillage this place and dance off jolly?"

The sinister laughter of the demons resounds in the morn

It is devilish and confident, piercing and scorned

"We have come for gold and jewels, but not more than we need"

"For long and healthy lives for us and our families."

The beast recoils in disgust as the men band closer

The One feels ready to fight, but his men aren't so sure.

Who knows the number of demons that lay anxiously in wait

Surely watching with keen eyes for the end of this debate

"Fools, all of you!" the wight screams out, "The stupidity and gall..."

"...you have to venture here, and to expect anything at all.

We'll rend then flesh from your bones and drain you of all life

Until your corpses stack so high that they block the moonlight!"

A muffled cry rings out from the rear of the mens ranks

As the first of them falls to an attack on their flank

The One draws his rapier and stands ready for battle

But the men are surprised; even the best of them scatter

Suddenly a rallying cry from The One resounds forth

"This is our time, men! Bring them down with your swords!"

A flash of blackness darts quickly, almost too fast to mark

But a skillful parry from The One ends the threat in the dark

Looking across the skirmish, The One sees his men 

One by one being killed, their lives each being ended

But losing hope was never an option for him

So The One redoubles his efforts and fights for the win

Black blood from a wight splashes across The One's face

It burns as it soaks and has an awful, foul taste

A demonic howl indicating that a wight had been killed

Gives rise to confidence on the men's battlefield

"They're breaking!" he says, giving heart to his party

"Strike hard at their throats and let's end this Dark Army!"

And still on they fight, with unmatched fervor and skill

Until finally, one by one, the wights are all killed. 

A hush falls over the scene and the darkness seems lifted

The One then hopes the morale of his men shifted

"There may be more left, so mind your surroundings"

The One yells out with force, his hope for a win mounting

But there are no ears to hear him, and his men are all dead. 

The only sign of life comes from a twitching corpse with no head

The One stands alone in a scene of crimson black

The blood of his men soak the ground, life never to get back

"Thieves you all were, and you died just as such.

Your valor was strong, though your honor not so much

But I shan't for a moment let this minor setback

Keep me from the riches that I vowed to get back."

Quitting to Play Guitar - An Update

Maybe you were there when I submitted about playing guitar for a sold out crowd or about touring the country playing guitar on the street. Well, it's now been about a year since I left the corporate world to try my hand at becoming a full-time guitarist. There has been no shortage of struggles, disappointments, and triumphs through it all, and I thought the fine denizens of /r/guitar might appreciate some insights I've gained related to playing music for a living and 'following your dream', if your dream happens to be playing guitar.

First, some vital stats:

• I'm 37
• I have a college degree in Philosophy
• I live in Colorado
• I have no kids
• I am not married
• I have no debt whatsoever
• I own a car outright
• I am in terrific health
• I'm kind of on the fence about turtles...I mean, I kind of like them but honestly I think newts are cooler

Anyway, the above list should help to explain how it is that I was able to do what I did - namely, leave a salaried job with benefits to just start playing guitar all the time, hoping that things would eventually work out and that I wouldn't end up being the poster child for all of the reasons why it's a bad idea to pursue a lofty dream like being a professional musician. Realistically speaking, if I had a kid, a wife, a lot of debt, or some other such burden, quitting my job to play music wouldn't have been half as feasible of a prospect. In hindsight, it took a lot of fucking balls and regardless of how it all shakes out in the end, I'm damn proud of myself for having the courage to do it.

First, I want to share with you a few of the negative things that I've encountered as I've taken this path. They're not all insurmountable, but they are definitely a change from the comfortable, cushy corporate life that I used to lead:

• The chicks, record deals, band invites and fame did not suddenly fall into my lap. As it turns out, the saying is true: "Just because you want something really bad, that doesn't mean you deserve it."
• I found my limit of how many hours I can play guitar in a week. That limit is 35. Any more than that and I start to develop overuse injuries.
• Speaking of playing-related injuries: I have had to deal with ganglion cysts, numerous blisters, torn fingernails, numbing in my fingers, a back problem due to the uneven weight that the guitar puts on my spine for all those hours, etc. It really is amazing how my body starts to break down after that 35th hour or so. Maybe it's age...probably...
• I wasn't suddenly cooler to my friends and family. In fact, they were all worried about me. They still kind of are.
• I have re-learned something I knew a long time ago, but had forgotten: youth and looks can and do trump talent. A fucking LOT. That is to say, a younger, better-looking guitarist can sound half as good as I do and there is a very good chance that this dude is going to get picked over me for a gig or even SESSION WORK! Yes, I'm completely serious. It happens. Which leads me to my last, notable challenge...
• The money fucking sucks. To be fair, I'm saying this against a backdrop of a 16-year sales career that was very lucrative. Going from six figures to about $29,000 was...character buliding, as my dad would say.

And honestly, that's really it. I intentionally left out some of the more typical downsides that come with being self-employed - managing your own time, finding gigs, marketing yourself, etc.. All of that notwithstanding, I wouldn't change a thing about how my life has turned out. Even though I make a quarter of what I did in my prior career, I'm happier, more engaged, better connected with others, and I feel more aligned with what I was put on this earth to do. Compared to where I was this time two years ago - flying from client to client, working on Excel spreadsheets on the weekends, going to industry trade shows...UGH. I now wretch when I think about that life.

And so there's a lot thas gone RIGHT with all this. Here are just a few more things that I'll put in list format just because I like lists and this post needs at least three of them, right?

• I'm now the 'house guitarist' for two restaurants in Denver. It's steady work and my employers are fantastic people.
• I still play music on the street, only now it's even BETTER. Having the confidence that comes with being a full-time musician has spurred me to experiment with my playing, resulting in grooves and sounds that I never thought I was capable of producing.
• I can sleep at night. I'm kind of being hyperbolic...what I mean is that I feel good about what I'm doing with my work. It's a creative pursuit that is also a service to others - I think, at least. This feature of my life makes every day so much more...liveable.
• My old coworkers and business colleagues haven't gone anywhere. They've actually all expressed great curiosity in all this, and they'll be there if I ever decide to return to the corporate space again...something that is HIGHLY unlikely.
• I've found love. Since pursuing this dream, I've fell in love with an amazing woman. I genuinely don't think this would have happened if I had stayed in my soul-sucking, white-collar job. I was so miserable with myself and my 'professional trajectory' that I couldn't really love someone. Now I can and it's pretty damn liberating.

I set out to make a post that would offer a realistic view into the life of someone who took the risk to play guitar in lieu of chasing corporate success. My hope is that this gives you some food for thought if you've ever kicked around the idea of giving music a shot, like FOR REAL.

And you know, even if you don't throw yourself into it like I did, there is a middle way, as the Buddhists would term it. You don't have to cut-and-run like I did - do what you love and live a balanced life if that's your thing.

I just happen to like taking risks.

Stay true, guys.

• Agnostix