She has arrived at this decision somewhat hastily - and has informed me of it via text message. This happened about 20 minutes ago.
Now...on the one hand I understand the want for someone to insulate themselves from confrontation and potential difficulty by not doing something like this in person, particularly when the dumpee is someone that was formally termed 'boyfriend'.
It's easy, right? Just create a new text, type out the bad news, and hit 'send'. Then, if you want, you can just turn your phone off and be spared of any backlash.
But this really fucking hurts. It really hurts bad.
And, I'm trying to just *let* it hurt. I have learned thus far in life that avoiding emotional pain and not confronting it is a very bad idea. It may save you from near-term agony, but in the long run these feelings will exact their revenge, often times with added intensity as time has a way of compounding unprocessed pain.
As I think through these past few months and the bliss I felt while dating Sarah, I can't single out one time when there was ever a cross word or even something remotely resembling an argument. We got along great...we enjoyed similar things, had a shared love for music and all seemed right in the world.
But now it's over. And I'm left feeling like it's my fault...after all, her main citation for doing this not feeling a 'spark' anymore, due to our relationship being put on hold for sometimes days at a time while I sorted through some of my own problems.
This isn't the first time I have suffered the painful blow of rejection on account of my depression. This wretched, wicked disease has robbed me of so very much...so very, very much.
Eh. Why am I typing this, even?
No one reads my blog...this is a tiny, cobwebbed corner of the internet frequented by exactly one person, the author of rantings and musings that will likely just drift into complete obscurity as the years roll on.
Well, I guess I'm typing it because *I* need to. Sarah doesn't seem to have any problem whatsoever in breaking ties with me and moving on to whatever/whoever is next. I will let her. I have to let her. There's no 'winning' her back, and I'm not even sure I want to try, if this is all that it takes for her to leave me.
I will do only what I know how to do. Experience this pain, let it run its course, and then regroup and try again to find love.
I loved you, Sarah. I really did. It's a shame we couldn't build on that.
Goodbye.
