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Interview with an Ex-Heroin Addict, Pt. 2: Cody's Story

Poem

Sanguine light leaps from torches burning in the settled eve

A caravan of outcasts marches, bound as thieves

All of them save one dishonest to the core

But The One plays the role as if he'd lived it before

Journeying further and further into a jade green mystery

One thief perishes in a fall, having stepped carelessly

The promise of a king's fortune pushes them forth

Always, always, always and hastily to the North

The nascent pink of dawn glows at the horizon

It cooks the dying night, a relief from lightless boredom

The men welcome the day with renewed energy

Until a scattering of glowing eyes appears in the leaves

They aren't alone and The One is first to see them

Are they fairies? Goblins? Perhaps mischievous mermen?

The thieves slow their pace and ready their swords

When the leader of the Watchers steps slowly forward

As if of the shadows themselves the creature appears

A caustic, dark stare bewitches and fears

The thieves are confused yet The One steadies them

Before confronting the beast, he whispers: "Be ready, men."

"Pronounce yourself, wight. We are armed!" The One says

The Watcher obliges and reveals a purplish, contorted head

"Hsssshhhhhhh..." It hisses in disapproval in startling chorus

With the army of other wights spread out through the forest

"You come to our land in search of treasure, do you not?"

As black steam rises around it, It's voice cackles and pops

"How foolish of you to presume it unguarded...such folly."

"Figured you'd just pillage this place and dance off jolly?"

The sinister laughter of the demons resounds in the morn

It is devilish and confident, piercing and scorned

"We have come for gold and jewels, but not more than we need"

"For long and healthy lives for us and our families."

The beast recoils in disgust as the men band closer

The One feels ready to fight, but his men aren't so sure.

Who knows the number of demons that lay anxiously in wait

Surely watching with keen eyes for the end of this debate

"Fools, all of you!" the wight screams out, "The stupidity and gall..."

"...you have to venture here, and to expect anything at all.

We'll rend then flesh from your bones and drain you of all life

Until your corpses stack so high that they block the moonlight!"

A muffled cry rings out from the rear of the mens ranks

As the first of them falls to an attack on their flank

The One draws his rapier and stands ready for battle

But the men are surprised; even the best of them scatter

Suddenly a rallying cry from The One resounds forth

"This is our time, men! Bring them down with your swords!"

A flash of blackness darts quickly, almost too fast to mark

But a skillful parry from The One ends the threat in the dark

Looking across the skirmish, The One sees his men 

One by one being killed, their lives each being ended

But losing hope was never an option for him

So The One redoubles his efforts and fights for the win

Black blood from a wight splashes across The One's face

It burns as it soaks and has an awful, foul taste

A demonic howl indicating that a wight had been killed

Gives rise to confidence on the men's battlefield

"They're breaking!" he says, giving heart to his party

"Strike hard at their throats and let's end this Dark Army!"

And still on they fight, with unmatched fervor and skill

Until finally, one by one, the wights are all killed. 

A hush falls over the scene and the darkness seems lifted

The One then hopes the morale of his men shifted

"There may be more left, so mind your surroundings"

The One yells out with force, his hope for a win mounting

But there are no ears to hear him, and his men are all dead. 

The only sign of life comes from a twitching corpse with no head

The One stands alone in a scene of crimson black

The blood of his men soak the ground, life never to get back

"Thieves you all were, and you died just as such.

Your valor was strong, though your honor not so much

But I shan't for a moment let this minor setback

Keep me from the riches that I vowed to get back."

Quitting to Play Guitar - An Update

Maybe you were there when I submitted about playing guitar for a sold out crowd or about touring the country playing guitar on the street. Well, it's now been about a year since I left the corporate world to try my hand at becoming a full-time guitarist. There has been no shortage of struggles, disappointments, and triumphs through it all, and I thought the fine denizens of /r/guitar might appreciate some insights I've gained related to playing music for a living and 'following your dream', if your dream happens to be playing guitar.

First, some vital stats:

• I'm 37
• I have a college degree in Philosophy
• I live in Colorado
• I have no kids
• I am not married
• I have no debt whatsoever
• I own a car outright
• I am in terrific health
• I'm kind of on the fence about turtles...I mean, I kind of like them but honestly I think newts are cooler

Anyway, the above list should help to explain how it is that I was able to do what I did - namely, leave a salaried job with benefits to just start playing guitar all the time, hoping that things would eventually work out and that I wouldn't end up being the poster child for all of the reasons why it's a bad idea to pursue a lofty dream like being a professional musician. Realistically speaking, if I had a kid, a wife, a lot of debt, or some other such burden, quitting my job to play music wouldn't have been half as feasible of a prospect. In hindsight, it took a lot of fucking balls and regardless of how it all shakes out in the end, I'm damn proud of myself for having the courage to do it.

First, I want to share with you a few of the negative things that I've encountered as I've taken this path. They're not all insurmountable, but they are definitely a change from the comfortable, cushy corporate life that I used to lead:

• The chicks, record deals, band invites and fame did not suddenly fall into my lap. As it turns out, the saying is true: "Just because you want something really bad, that doesn't mean you deserve it."
• I found my limit of how many hours I can play guitar in a week. That limit is 35. Any more than that and I start to develop overuse injuries.
• Speaking of playing-related injuries: I have had to deal with ganglion cysts, numerous blisters, torn fingernails, numbing in my fingers, a back problem due to the uneven weight that the guitar puts on my spine for all those hours, etc. It really is amazing how my body starts to break down after that 35th hour or so. Maybe it's age...probably...
• I wasn't suddenly cooler to my friends and family. In fact, they were all worried about me. They still kind of are.
• I have re-learned something I knew a long time ago, but had forgotten: youth and looks can and do trump talent. A fucking LOT. That is to say, a younger, better-looking guitarist can sound half as good as I do and there is a very good chance that this dude is going to get picked over me for a gig or even SESSION WORK! Yes, I'm completely serious. It happens. Which leads me to my last, notable challenge...
• The money fucking sucks. To be fair, I'm saying this against a backdrop of a 16-year sales career that was very lucrative. Going from six figures to about $29,000 was...character buliding, as my dad would say.

And honestly, that's really it. I intentionally left out some of the more typical downsides that come with being self-employed - managing your own time, finding gigs, marketing yourself, etc.. All of that notwithstanding, I wouldn't change a thing about how my life has turned out. Even though I make a quarter of what I did in my prior career, I'm happier, more engaged, better connected with others, and I feel more aligned with what I was put on this earth to do. Compared to where I was this time two years ago - flying from client to client, working on Excel spreadsheets on the weekends, going to industry trade shows...UGH. I now wretch when I think about that life.

And so there's a lot thas gone RIGHT with all this. Here are just a few more things that I'll put in list format just because I like lists and this post needs at least three of them, right?

• I'm now the 'house guitarist' for two restaurants in Denver. It's steady work and my employers are fantastic people.
• I still play music on the street, only now it's even BETTER. Having the confidence that comes with being a full-time musician has spurred me to experiment with my playing, resulting in grooves and sounds that I never thought I was capable of producing.
• I can sleep at night. I'm kind of being hyperbolic...what I mean is that I feel good about what I'm doing with my work. It's a creative pursuit that is also a service to others - I think, at least. This feature of my life makes every day so much more...liveable.
• My old coworkers and business colleagues haven't gone anywhere. They've actually all expressed great curiosity in all this, and they'll be there if I ever decide to return to the corporate space again...something that is HIGHLY unlikely.
• I've found love. Since pursuing this dream, I've fell in love with an amazing woman. I genuinely don't think this would have happened if I had stayed in my soul-sucking, white-collar job. I was so miserable with myself and my 'professional trajectory' that I couldn't really love someone. Now I can and it's pretty damn liberating.

I set out to make a post that would offer a realistic view into the life of someone who took the risk to play guitar in lieu of chasing corporate success. My hope is that this gives you some food for thought if you've ever kicked around the idea of giving music a shot, like FOR REAL.

And you know, even if you don't throw yourself into it like I did, there is a middle way, as the Buddhists would term it. You don't have to cut-and-run like I did - do what you love and live a balanced life if that's your thing.

I just happen to like taking risks.

Stay true, guys.

• Agnostix

New video of me playing 'Canon' in Denver

Marijuana Madness! - The Colorado Pot Surge

Image credit: www.thedenverchannel.com

If you live anywhere even remotely close to the state of Colorado, then you've heard about the major waves being made by the booming marijuana business. Five years ago, it was unheard of to be able to walk into a brick-and-mortar marijuana dispensary - one built solely for recreational and not just medicinal purposes - plop down $20 and walk out with some of the highest-grade ganja available anywhere.

But now, it's become so commonplace that it seems impossible to drive more than a few city blocks in downtown Denver without seeing some advertisement or storefront showcasing deals on the many different strains of pot available through these new outlets. What was once a shadowy, black-market substance only attainable by those with a connection to a 'dealer' is now as pervasive as alcohol and tobacco. And, I would argue, it's just as accessible.

This new market is colossal. In fact, in August of 2015, recreational pot sales broke the 60 million dollar mark, and that's not even counting the revenue generated from medical sales of the drug. But it's not just the sale of the drug itself that is raking in fresh cash for Colorado businesses; there are newly-forming cottage industries surrounding weed that are cropping up (pun intended) seemingly everywhere.

There's Pyrex and glass smoking implements (pipes, bongs, hookahs).
There's rolling papers and blunt wraps.
There are marijuana grinders and custom-made storage containers.
There are cleaning products and even bong cleaning services available.

Image credit: MedicalMarijuanaBlog.com

And, the marijuana itself has been refined and reduced down to an extract known as 'wax' or 'shatter' (see image to the right). This is the newest advent in consuming the drug - the user subjects the marijuana extract to extreme heat using a red-hot prod in a process known as 'Dabbing', to produce smoke that contains much more THC than traditional methods of smoking pot.

In the wax or shatter form, the drug is much more concealable and less odorous, allowing for more covert methods of transporting and storing it.

What does all of this mean for the average Colorado resident, who may or may not himself indulge in marijuana? Well, one thing is for sure, it means a hell of a lot more state revenue for education and drug policy expenditures. It may take a few years, but eventually the public school systems in Colorado will start seeing some very real, tangible results from the legalization of pot.

It also means big-time increases in the tourism business that the state of Colorado has already enjoyed for decades.

There are cultural changes taking place, also. The typical 'stoner' stereotype that has long been associated with regular users of marijuana is changing. Now, it's not so unheard of for business professionals to relax by smoking a joint or two at the end of the day, in lieu of their few glasses of wine. Young, tech-savvy workers coming to Denver for jobs are bringing with them their progressive views of and penchants for enjoying marijuana. They're earning real money in a thriving city while being able to enjoy a pastime that is still wholly illegal in most other parts of the country.

I've personally been in Colorado for almost 10 years. I've never considered myself a 'pot-head', but I've enjoyed the occasional puff of pot every now and again. But anytime I decided to do so - up until now, that is - I was always paranoid about getting caught, or somehow being viewed as a lesser human being for enjoying the high afforded by marijuana.

Now with that tension gone, life in Colorado is all that much more enjoyable. I think I'll stick around for yet a while longer, still. :)

Ode to Following a Dream

The first time I played a guitar in a public place, I was about 16 years old. 

I remember taking my Epiphone acoustic to a local park next to a small lake just to see what kind of reaction I would have if I played fairly simple guitar songs for random strangers.

Nothing incredible happened. I didn't get any money from anyone. In fact, no one really even noticed me for the most part. 

Then life happened. I graduated high school, went on to college, got my degree and got a job in professional sales. Playing music in public took a back seat to board meetings, sales quotas, product presentations and closing the deal. At the time I thought that I was doing what I *should* be doing - earning lots of money, spending it on shiny things and ignoring this nagging voice in the back of my head that was telling me that I should be back at that park, making music. 

So, my bank and retirement accounts grew while my passion for playing guitar sat idle. This went on for about 10 years.

Then in 2008, I packed up all my things and moved from Atlanta to Denver. I had had enough of the south and I needed a change, and I figured Colorado was as good a place as any for a fresh start. Little did I know that upon arriving, I would rediscover the joy of public performance, in a very real - however unexpected - way. 

I suffer from clinical depression and during a particularly severe bout of it, I tore myself away from my one bedroom apartment, went into town and sat under a bridge, playing blues music on my electric guitar through a tiny, battery-powered amplifier. I remember closing my eyes and weeping as I played, letting my emotions spill out onto the fretboard. It was a genuinely cathartic experience.

I opened my eyes and what I saw dumbfounded me. 

There was money. Money everywhere. 

Singles, fives, and even a few tens. People were just dropping money all around me and I didn't even know it. It's at that moment when I realized I had discovered something truly magical. 

Ever since that fateful day, I have been playing blues and jazz-inspired guitar music on the street at least a few hours every week. This hobby turned into a full-time profession when, in February of 2015, I quit my salaried sales job to go on tour, playing my music in cities all across America.

This was a fairly risky venture. Sure, I had saved enough money to keep me fed and clothed, but to drive solo around the country with no real plan but to play music for strangers isn't the most calculated, conservative way to go about accomplishing a goal. But I didn't care. I was going to do it, and I did. 

My travels took me from Denver south to New Mexico, through Arizona, into Southern California and all the way up the western coast. I played guitar in a graveyard, in a cave (talk about killer acoustics!), at the beach, and in some of the most unexpected places you can think of. I collected so many incredible memories that it would be impossible to account for all of them here on this post. I will share with you just a few anecdotes here, but if you want the full story you'll have to wait until I publish my book about all this, which is forthcoming.

Monterrey, CA - I set up and played at a beach in this beautiful town, and as I was setting up a man approached me with his wife, and asked me what I was getting ready to do. I responded, "Well, I was going to play some music here," to which he replied, "Sounds good to me, let's hear it!" And so I began. About 20 minutes into my set, he stopped me and formally introduced himself. This guy was part of Herbie Hancock's band back in the 60's, and his percussion work is on more than one of HH's platinum-selling records from that era. I was stunned. I had just played music for a jazz legend and I didn't even know it.

Portland, OR - I picked a spot to play at a park in Portland. The rain seemed to have let up just for me, or so it seemed. I was feeling particularly romantic at the time, so I decided to play a tune very commonly heard at weddings: Pachelbel's Canon in D Major. Just as I was getting into my second or third trip through the chord progression, I look up to see a full bridal party walking straight toward me. I am not kidding...literally seconds after I started playing this song, a bride, her groom and all of the groomsmen/bridesmaids just SHOWED UP seemingly out of nowhere. I was totally gobsmacked, and so of course I just kept playing. After I was done, the groom came over and asked me if his wife had hired me. I told him no, and he refused to believe me. This is probably the most bizarre memory I have from the trip, and I still can't believe the timing.

I could go on here with at least another dozen or so stories about things that happened to me on the road. While it was an incredible experience, it did have to come to an end. And that end was in Seattle, where I did a capstone performance at Pikes Place market, to a huge crowd that paid me well over $500 in just over 4 hours time. It was an fantastic way to round out a glorious journey.

After defaulting back to Denver and still reeling from what I had just done, I knew that I had to settle back into the life I left. So, I began a job search and re-entered the workforce a few months later. Now, I'm back in the sales game with another full-time, salaried job, but things are different now. They're different because, in those few months I spent doing what I love, I learned more about life and love for music than I ever did in my prior 35 years on this planet. I learned about human connection, about serendipity and about courage.

In those short months, I put my soul on a platter for the entire western half of the US to see and I became a better human being for it.

I'd recommend it anyone. 

- Bret Dallas