A Tale of Dental Destruction

When I was a kid I had an accident that involved my mouth, my teeth and a snapping turtle.

You do know what a snapping turtle is, don't you? Otherwise known as an Alligator Snapping Turtle, they have beaks on them that are capable of snapping little boys' fingers in half.

Anyway, I was fishing at the lake with my brothers when one of them announced that an afore-described turtle was sitting near the base of the concrete causeway we were sitting atop. I think I was 10 or 11 at the time and my fascination with anything dangerous was a pretty potent one. I took this announcement as truth and decided to go investigate.

I left my roost at the top of the causeway and proceeded down to where the concrete slab met the waters edge. As you probably know, when lake or river water runs over anything for some time, moss forms and makes for a pretty slippery surface. The particular concrete slab in question was angled at about 45 degrees, I'd say.

Upon reaching the base of the causeway I was disappointed to find that my brother had in fact been lying and that there was no snapping turtle to be found. I had pulled off my shoes and had hiked my pant legs to up around my knees for nothing and I grew quite pissed about all of it. So, I balled my fists and began walking back up the slippery slope with the intention of pommelling a sibling or two upon my return.

About half way through my walk back up the slab, I lost my footing and came crashing down to earth. The first part of my body to hit the mossy concrete was my chin.

A few things happened here that are worth noting:

1. I sheared 6 of my molars. 3 in half, 3 only partially.

2. I bit off 1/3 of the tip of my tongue. I imagine the piece I spit out made for a good meal for one of the fish we were trying to catch. Irony, anyone?

3. A massive gash was created just under my chin, such that a clear view of my jawbone was immediately available for anyone who could get me to look up.

4. Tucked into the newly created laceration were pockets of gravel and moss that were not going to just come out with some vigorous head shaking. 5. Of the teeth that were cracked or broken, one was a baby tooth that had no permanent tooth underneath it. This tooth would require extraction later in life.

The moment I stood up and started spitting out tongue and tooth fragments, my brothers were on their feet. The weren't running, they weren't calling for help and they certainly weren't rushing down to assist me.

They just stood there. Eyes like saucers. Jaws dropped (pun intended).

Eventually my brother Jared flagged down a passing car and enlisted the help of a total stranger. I was escorted to a hospital where I promptly received 29 stitches and later, over $2,000 worth of dental work (I know that figure because it was reminded to me by my father over the next few years).

I tell you this story people because today I have a dentist appointment. In fact, I have this appointment in 1 hour. In fact, it's been over 2 years since I've seen a dentist because of the sheer complication involved in 'just getting a cleaning'.

It's always a huge fucking discussion about the state of my enamel's affairs and how long each flawed tooth is going to last before bridgework or implant surgery will have to be considered. It's never fun and I NEVER GET THE FUCKING BALLOONS OR FAKE RINGS THAT I DID WHEN I WAS A KID.

A Piece of my own Heaven

I find myself in the middle of a step forward.

I don't think about how I got here because it feels too good, and I don't want to wake up from this if it's a dream. All I see around me is sand. Although the sun is bearing down hard and everything should be scorching hot, nothing is. My bare feet move forward with ease and I feel the sand comfortably squirt through my toes as I walk. There is a slight breeze and my linen pants play with it.

I don't know if I'm wearing a shirt or not. I don't care.

Aside from the yellow-white of the sand there are dashes of green nearby, where lush shrubs with flowers are growing. The smell is oddly pleasing and reminds me of release.
I'd say I'm about 22 years of age. My hair is dirty blonde, I have a few days worth of beard growth on my face and for whatever reason, I am alone here in this beautiful, ethereal desert. Judging from the position of the sun I'd guess that it's about 2pm.

I look to my right and a long, thin pool of crystal clear water is stretched out before me. The surface of the water barely pulses with the passing winds and I make my way to the shore. The sand feels moist as I approach this oasis. The quiet is so calming that I barely notice the soothing greeting my feet get from the waiting water.

I kneel.

My hands meet each other just beneath the waters surface and I make a cup with them. I bring my hands up and douse my warm, tanned face, letting each vein of water trickle wherever it may along my neck and shoulders. With my eyes closed, I lean my head back and offer my face to the sun. I take the time to appreciate the coolness of my newly wet hair.

There are no sounds but those being made by the last few drops of water as they fall back down to earth. I stand up and survey this landscape once again.

Where am I?

It doesn't bother me, strangely, that I am lost. I am not thirsty and I do not hunger for anything, food or otherwise. I am not sweating and my body is fit and limber. All I can think about is the unending glory of this awesome surrounding. I also notice that time isn't progressing as normal. My movements are slowed and it's as if I am being given even more opportunity to truly enjoy every passing moment.

I long for nothing and feel relieved of all pain. I am not worried by work, women, death, responsibility, self, or anything else. It's like I don't have the faculty to worry.

A compelling urge to sit down moves over me. I crouch to my haunches and lay back, and a perfectly formed cradle of dry, grainy earth welcomes me. I relax completely and let the sand blow freely over my exposed skin. My feet sway left to right in the standing water and I recline into a perfect position.

I smile.

I am where I've always dreamed I'd be and I will be here forever, happily.