It’s 4am and I am a Ninja

*eek eek eek eek eek eek eek eek eek eek eek*

*...*

*eek eek eek*

Yup. The folks upstairs are fucking again. It's 3:30 in the morning for Christ's sake and instead of resting their eyelids they're making babies. I'd like to hear of a WD-40 salesman going door-to-door around here so that perhaps my 'fucking' neighbors would get some of the stuff to silence that obnoxious bed.

*eek eek eek eek eek eek eek*

I rub my eyes. 3:31.

*eek ... eek*

GODDAMNIT!!!

I throw the covers away from my body in a slighted fit of disgust. I've had it. The night is cool and damp outside and there are certainly other places I could be than inside this apartment enduring the sounds of zealous lovemaking NOT being had by me.

*eek eek eek*

My dog's ears perk up before she takes time for a quick stretch.

'What the hell are we doing up so early?' she seems to say to me.

"We're going for a walk. Come on." I say.

I throw on a pair of jeans and a longsleeve shirt in anticipation of the frigid November air. The high today is supposed to be around 40. I grab Loki's leash and collar and dress her up. Let's go.

*eek eek eek eek eek eek eek*

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" I belt out, before stepping outside. Fat chance of them hearing me though, through all the grunting and slapping noises.

I am rarely ever up before 7am and being alone in the cold morning darkness is very much a change of pace. I take stock of what's around me: 3 rows of packed parking lot spaces all filled with SUV's, sedans and the occasional Jeep; a long, thin puddle of rainwater saddling the roadway; a few dimly lit streetlights and not a soul to be seen.

And wow ... the quiet. The quiet is nice.

I take a few steps from my doorstep and welcome the few drops of moisture that land on my face. Loki certainly doesn't mind this jaunt - she's already found a nice patch of sod to violate.

"Good girl" I say.

It's at this point when it hits me. I'm alone. No, like, REALLY alone. There is not one single person out here nor is anyone even within earshot (that I can see). I could do ANYTHING I wanted to, here in the parking lot of my apartment complex.

I could run around naked swinging nunchucks.
I could roll around in a huge pile of my pressed work clothes.
I could dropkick a midget and laugh at his demise (if such a midget could be found here).

It's 3:58 now, and I'm slowly losing any inhibitions I had when I woke up. I am the epitome of stealth; no one even knows I'm out here. I could go key one of those nice SUV's out of spite for the fuel and money they waste.

I am in-fucking-vincible and probably will be for the next hour or so.

What's this? There's a long stick sitting over there by that tree. I believe I will take that stick, and it will become my samurai sword. AHA!! And what's this I see? Someone has haphazardly left a few D batteries here on the sidewalk. How wasteful!! Everyone knows D batteries double as throwing stars.

This is excellent. I am equipping myself with everything I need to usurp those in power here at the complex.

OMG LOOK!! There!! Some fool has left the rag they were using to check their oil RIGHT there next to that car!

Hellooooooo martial arts headband. Sweet.

Loki looks at me quizzically. I nod as if to grant her the status of assailant's assistant.

I look at my watch.

It's 4:00am, and I'm a ninja.